FINDING INNER JOY

Hello, I'm Patience, just in case you are new to the blog and welcome aboard this reality-ship.

 As you can tell already from the title, I want us to dive into something that is a bit 'spiritual' or whatever you may want to call it. The road to finding inner peace, calm and unconditional joy. Sounds like the usual but it's not, because joy is something bigger than happiness, excitement and anxiety.

For so many years, I was always on a roller coaster ride trying to "find" happiness. The more I chased it, the more it eluded me. You think I didn't do enough to earn it? No, I gave the hunt my all. And in the end, I would sit still and analyse the whole game, and find out 'i only did whatever I did to make people be what I thought would spark off my happiness alarm.

In so doing, I practiced pleasing people(just so I could earn the same in return) which never happened. I looked forward to giving people gifts on their special days so they could remember to do the same for me on mine, but that too was only but a wild goose chase.

I worked so hard to be the peace maker, to fix whatever was broken, even when it was none of my responsibilities..just so, maybe at one time, someone would fix me, but that, was like expecting manner falling from the heavens in this day and age. Expectation was all I had, looking forward to getting a call that would make me happy, waiting on someone to do something good so I could feel good, being anxious about something I'm about to achieve so I can recognize my self worth. And the list goes on and on and on.

Recently, I have learned to come to terms with finding joy and staying calm amidst the raising tides. I have learnt that there is nothing, no body that can even try to satiate my longing for happiness, it must all begin from within. I must say, I'm still struggling, but each time I notice my relapse, I try and jerk out of it ASAP.

I have learnt that when you expect less, you start your journey to healing your anxiety and making peace with having less. It's hard, I won't lie but it takes the satisfaction in being fully okay, even when nothing is okay, to realize how much peace you create around and within yourself after you let go of laboring hard to fill the void within.

I have learnt to count on MYSELF and less on people, self reliance is all I ever needed to have. It's all you need to learn. Right now, I pleasure more the achievements I have brought myself to, than a night out with buddies. It's not because I don't like night outs, but when I look back at the battle I fought in my head to stop drinking, I appreciate ME, it feels me with great joy and no body can take that away. Because I didn't do it for anybody or a dare, it's an ultimate satisfaction for me. That's what inner joy is.

Even when I'm exhausted from work and the day's struggles, deep within me I feel okay, because I'm not waiting on my mum to call and say sorry about me getting tired. No, I feel okay because I have learnt to be joyful. Happiness can be short-lived; when you get a promotion at work, win a contest, get clearance for a document you badly need...all that makes us happy but does it take away the fact that we still want someone to notice and compliment our new hairdo so we can feel okay? No, it doesn't! And that's the chain that still leashes us to the endless road of searching for happiness.

Knowing and acknowledging that we are enough to be US, is yet another square in finding joy. Learning to appreciate US without seeking anyone's approval will save us the hurt of getting none. If you don't need validation from your peers for carrying yourself a certain way that gives you peace, that's securing your joy, and learning to be un apologetically YOU.

A few months ago, I had issues with someone playing video games for three hours, when I wanted us to do something else...but then I realized, I clearly don't necessarily need someone's company, them talking to me, just so I can have a good night's sleep. Because that's what makes them happy, and my role here is to fix my own self. I can't wait up for some prince in dazzling gold bling chains to offer me a dance, what if he never appears? Am I then, going to bury my head in the sand and weep just because I'm alone, NO ma'am, NO sir, I'm gonna get myself together, shake off the dust and carry on with nothing but ME!

I'm joyful because my heart has a lot to leap for.

Inner joy is knowing that the situation outta your door is not pleasing, but you look in the mirror and proclaim a calm day ahead. Because you have something sweeter on the inside to be happy about, than this tough situation you are about to face. There is joy in knowing that even when we lose, we are still part of the team and the games have only but just begun.

There is joy in seeing our enemies succeed and even when we can't be overly happy for them, at least we can be happy with them. It takes a lengthy soul search to come to terms with such situations. They may not necessarily be what we want to see, but we reserve the hate, just so we can keep our joy. That's how it works, for ME!

Lastly, I must attribute this whole thing to growth and maturity. With each passing year, I notice that the happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they make the best of of anything. And so I chose to follow suit, to treasure each moment at hand and look less at the lacking part. If you still have a roof over your head, you are breathing, find joy in appreciating the heavenly father who doesn't look forward to us doing good so he can do good for us too.

Well, I don't know what you believe in, but I personally find joy in visualizing how no earthly power could have saved me in a certain situation but only God must have dragged my sorry ass out of the mess. And no body, nothing can steal that from me. Let's relax and be joyful, why accumulate all those wrinkles on our faces anyway?
Love, Patience✌️