FINDING INNER JOY

Hello, I'm Patience, just in case you are new to the blog and welcome aboard this reality-ship.

 As you can tell already from the title, I want us to dive into something that is a bit 'spiritual' or whatever you may want to call it. The road to finding inner peace, calm and unconditional joy. Sounds like the usual but it's not, because joy is something bigger than happiness, excitement and anxiety.

For so many years, I was always on a roller coaster ride trying to "find" happiness. The more I chased it, the more it eluded me. You think I didn't do enough to earn it? No, I gave the hunt my all. And in the end, I would sit still and analyse the whole game, and find out 'i only did whatever I did to make people be what I thought would spark off my happiness alarm.

In so doing, I practiced pleasing people(just so I could earn the same in return) which never happened. I looked forward to giving people gifts on their special days so they could remember to do the same for me on mine, but that too was only but a wild goose chase.

I worked so hard to be the peace maker, to fix whatever was broken, even when it was none of my responsibilities..just so, maybe at one time, someone would fix me, but that, was like expecting manner falling from the heavens in this day and age. Expectation was all I had, looking forward to getting a call that would make me happy, waiting on someone to do something good so I could feel good, being anxious about something I'm about to achieve so I can recognize my self worth. And the list goes on and on and on.

Recently, I have learned to come to terms with finding joy and staying calm amidst the raising tides. I have learnt that there is nothing, no body that can even try to satiate my longing for happiness, it must all begin from within. I must say, I'm still struggling, but each time I notice my relapse, I try and jerk out of it ASAP.

I have learnt that when you expect less, you start your journey to healing your anxiety and making peace with having less. It's hard, I won't lie but it takes the satisfaction in being fully okay, even when nothing is okay, to realize how much peace you create around and within yourself after you let go of laboring hard to fill the void within.

I have learnt to count on MYSELF and less on people, self reliance is all I ever needed to have. It's all you need to learn. Right now, I pleasure more the achievements I have brought myself to, than a night out with buddies. It's not because I don't like night outs, but when I look back at the battle I fought in my head to stop drinking, I appreciate ME, it feels me with great joy and no body can take that away. Because I didn't do it for anybody or a dare, it's an ultimate satisfaction for me. That's what inner joy is.

Even when I'm exhausted from work and the day's struggles, deep within me I feel okay, because I'm not waiting on my mum to call and say sorry about me getting tired. No, I feel okay because I have learnt to be joyful. Happiness can be short-lived; when you get a promotion at work, win a contest, get clearance for a document you badly need...all that makes us happy but does it take away the fact that we still want someone to notice and compliment our new hairdo so we can feel okay? No, it doesn't! And that's the chain that still leashes us to the endless road of searching for happiness.

Knowing and acknowledging that we are enough to be US, is yet another square in finding joy. Learning to appreciate US without seeking anyone's approval will save us the hurt of getting none. If you don't need validation from your peers for carrying yourself a certain way that gives you peace, that's securing your joy, and learning to be un apologetically YOU.

A few months ago, I had issues with someone playing video games for three hours, when I wanted us to do something else...but then I realized, I clearly don't necessarily need someone's company, them talking to me, just so I can have a good night's sleep. Because that's what makes them happy, and my role here is to fix my own self. I can't wait up for some prince in dazzling gold bling chains to offer me a dance, what if he never appears? Am I then, going to bury my head in the sand and weep just because I'm alone, NO ma'am, NO sir, I'm gonna get myself together, shake off the dust and carry on with nothing but ME!

I'm joyful because my heart has a lot to leap for.

Inner joy is knowing that the situation outta your door is not pleasing, but you look in the mirror and proclaim a calm day ahead. Because you have something sweeter on the inside to be happy about, than this tough situation you are about to face. There is joy in knowing that even when we lose, we are still part of the team and the games have only but just begun.

There is joy in seeing our enemies succeed and even when we can't be overly happy for them, at least we can be happy with them. It takes a lengthy soul search to come to terms with such situations. They may not necessarily be what we want to see, but we reserve the hate, just so we can keep our joy. That's how it works, for ME!

Lastly, I must attribute this whole thing to growth and maturity. With each passing year, I notice that the happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they make the best of of anything. And so I chose to follow suit, to treasure each moment at hand and look less at the lacking part. If you still have a roof over your head, you are breathing, find joy in appreciating the heavenly father who doesn't look forward to us doing good so he can do good for us too.

Well, I don't know what you believe in, but I personally find joy in visualizing how no earthly power could have saved me in a certain situation but only God must have dragged my sorry ass out of the mess. And no body, nothing can steal that from me. Let's relax and be joyful, why accumulate all those wrinkles on our faces anyway?
Love, Patience✌️

DID YOU KNOW: PRAYING MANTISES 'PRACTICE' SEXUAL CANNIBALISM?

Hellos,.....two weeks ago, i published a blog on how a praying mantis invaded my home and my whole being was in quagmire for some good hours. While many of you had various reactions to the post, i still stood my ground, ....that thing is way too lethal to hang around! Luckily enough, one of my amazing audience members seems to have doubts about this 'docile' but hazardous insect in disguise. He sent me a message to do some more research about this whole 'coital cannibalism' that some praying mantis species' females practice. Thanks Cosmas for reaching out.

And without further ado, lets get cringing, shall we? Yeah, i meant it, cringing, because you will be shocked at how some ruthless female mantises treat their 'lovers' after some good hours of copulating. Yep i mean hours, they don't just take a lunch break and get 'jiggy' with it, they take their God given time and,...literally like,"we don't wanna do half-baked work, we'll take all the time we want." Haha, hope i don't have under age persons reading this shit.  Before i get into the reasons why this is 'business as usual' for these 'girls', let's get to know more about the mantises. Save the best for last, goes the old proverbial phrase.

STEREO VISION
Praying mantises have 3D vision, just like we humans and that makes them a one in a million family of insects with such a rich possession. They have 5 eyes,...yes, five of them. Two are those protruding cylinder bottoms hanging at the two edges of the ridiculously triangle shaped head while the other three lie in the middle of the whole sort of samosa situation. The big eyes are for seeing movement in a depth vision while the small ones detect light. It's a no brainer as of now that i get to accept, these crazy fellas have a similarity to humans.

Them eyes, them mandibles!

WHY ARE PRAYING MANTISES CALLED SO?
Well, its because when they are waiting for prey, they hold their front legs in an upright position as if folded in prayer. Also, the word 'mantis' is of Greek origin from a word 'mantikos' meaning prophet. There is a whole lot more of spiritual affiliations to this insect but i don't want to get there, allow me to proceed, thanks.

SWIFT AMBUSH
Mantises are said to have a very swift coordination with all their senses while they capture and devour their prey. Actually, the time lapse for this action is like the speed of lightning and can rarely be observed with naked eyes. Their serrated long front legs are also a perfect feature for keeping prey pinned up for the meal.

CAMOUFLAGE ASPECT
Mantises camouflage both for safety against predators like frogs and lizards and also to lure their prey. The perfect example of the prey luring devils are the Orchid Mantises whose color and structure fit perfectly the mimic of an orchard flower. See, looks can be extremely deceiving. In so doing, other insects bring their nosy selves to the 'flower' for nectar only to be entangled in the 'stiff tentacles' of some triangle headed being.

Here it is, doesn't look like an insect, does it?

FLEXIBILITY
Mantises have heads that can turn a whopping 180 degrees, mantises have been found to jump with extreme precision contorting their body midair to land on a precarious and specific target, just like cats. Normally, praying mantises range from 1-6 inches (2.5-15) Centimeters long depending on the species which are over 1,800.

LIFE CYCLE
Like most insects, mantises have three stages of a life cycle. They, however, generally live for only one year, half of which is spent in the egg and nymph stage so the mantis only enjoys six months of adult life. They also molt at end of particular periods and in the end, some develop wings while others dont. The females don't use their wings to fly but the males do. That sounds like some kinda gender inequality, haha.

One more for your optical nutrition. If u can't see it, check again.

LASTLY, THESE FEMALE CANNIBALS!

Now, there are different scientific reasons that rationalize this behavior but one that i read about and was more fascinated with, is the fact that the female mantises lay lots of eggs and while the mating process goes on, the they develop an urge to feed. One clear thing is; mantises eat fresh prey and unfortunately for the male counterparts, the females can access nothing but their partners during or immediately after the sexual intercourse. It's the very reason why they will bite off the partners head-to start with and dine on the rest later. 25% of the males die during the intercourse and research shows that the ones that survive continue to engage in this risky business. HAHA

A headless male mounting a female, where do u think the head disappeared to?

When a female eats a male after mating, his body resolves into hers and part of which is also passed on to the offspring.(i hope this ain't a confusion but that's just how it is) and the 'satisfying' bit is: Females who cannibalize their partners are found to produce 25% more eggs(which actually carry some of the males biological material) than those that don't. How more interesting or confusing for this matter can science get?

So basically, that's what i thought i would bring you this week. Somethings are not 'helpful' in real life but they are worth knowing. Imagine me narrating this whole thing to my grand kids, i would definitely look a genius to them. And also, the more we learn about nature, the more we get to be in sync with it. If knew that the mantis is barely dangerous to humans, i probably wouldn't have dived into a frenzy of fear when i sat face to face with the fella. See, he or she, whatever it was, would have found its way out.

Let's be open to learning,...as it never stops and also feed our minds with some interesting facts other than these daily horrific breaking news of climate uproars, the laying off of workers in companies,...the dirty politics making rounds on our TV sets,...our mind should also have something less terrifying and stressing. 

Here to warm your day with these weird facts,

                                                                          PATIENCE.

STOP PLAYING THE COMPARISON GAME, IT RUINS STUFF.

Good morning ladies and gentlemen, it's 11/10/2019 and like i have mentioned before, years must be chasing after some holy grail, dang,...i even heard Christmas songs playing at my local shop(guess they are a little too early though) haha..but that's to bring you up to speed with this virtual marathon.

A little throw back to 2018

Okay, back to business, when i was a young girl, i admired our housemaid so much. She was tough, had a commanding voice and all those qualities i wanted to have. She looked curvaceous in her skirts(always) while i appeared straight head to toe. I always wished to be like her, with the authority she possessed. One day, she punished me for a mistake i did, and while i served  my punishment, i said to myself, "if i weren't young, i would not be doing this." Little did i know that she actually heard me lamenting and she said to me, "wait for your time, when you grow up, you will also boss  around."

Now that's exactly the piece i was missing in the puzzle. Comparing myself to a person who had 20 years ahead of my life was nothing but giving  myself migraines. While i didn't notice how sad i was because of being young...and wishing i was older, i now know that i deprived myself of some peace of mind as a child. To be sincere, there are nights i spent sleepless imagining how best i could be tough towards Sylvia(oh that's her name) but at the break of dawn, Sylvia would cool our(My elder brother Hope and I) porridge and as she handed me my cup, all my anger vanished like a sweet dream. I laugh hard each time i recall my "war" plans against older people.

I'm enjoying my photography sessions these days. ShotsbyPolly.

See, just like me, there are so many of you guys out there,....you look at some young girl cruising a Chevrolet and some sort of fire consumes your whole being and you start to wonder,"gosh she actually looks younger than me, i am 26 and i don't even own a fridge to keep my fruits at home." Stuff like that take away happiness and makes you feel less of what you really are, so a better way to keep up your energy is appreciate your own abilities and also keep in mind that there lots of people who secretly admire you for who you really are. We used to call them SAs(Secret Admirers) way back at Maryhill High School, @Rose @Cathy do you copy????

This is for my male counterparts: I had a friend who always admired women of a certain class, but looked down on himself because, well he wasn't established yet. One day he decided to join a gang or cult of some sort,...those guys had no proper legit jobs but they were always dripping in Calvin Klein V necks. He admired them, compared his Kaja jeans(Oh btw, FYI kaja is not a brand, its a place in down town Kampala where you can buy cheap clothes) to their Boo Hoo, Levis dark wash pants ,...and so on. Three months down the road, he was one of the "boys" and he actually hooked up a girl he always wanted.

All was well until hell broke loose as the gang leader was arrested and so the shady business (whatever it was) closed shop. By then my buddy had quickly adopted to a life which he unfortunately couldn't sustain without a well paying normal job. Long story short, the girl moved out ASAP, and moved in with some City tycoon's loaded son,....the landlord confiscated whatever the guy had over uncleared rent arrears and poor friend was back to what,...square one,..NO, some negative digit. Now, was all that really worth it? I am a woman so i can't judge him, maybe you guys can let me know in the comments down below. Stop playing the comparison game people.

Sending you some sky vibes as seen from Nakulabye! ShotsbyPolly

I have had my fair share of the downsides of the game too. I look at some ladies and they are literally like some carefully sculptured beings, and then i go, " oh dear non-existent booty, who hurt you? I mean i could use some bit of a bump,......blah blah...." That used to happen a lot before i discovered that some of the babes with tantalizing asses have trouble fitting in jeans and some cute leather skirts! Haha, that could be one of the reasons  why i started to appreciate my 42 kgs slender physique and complain less. As women, we find that a lot and while we focus on some one's hour glass body, we lose touch with the amazing  almond eyes God gave us, which is totally wrong. All this comes from comparing ourselves and belongings to someone else's.

While sometimes its a motivation for us to work harder and achieve something, it shouldn't be a distraction from our self worth. It's helpful in one way or the other but it comes with such a huge momentum that we rush so fast, hitting every obstacle along the way at full speed without slowing down to get our bearings  right, and in the end, we miss the target. So, let's take the positive out of admiration and let go of what makes us feel less of the strong,  able, courageous and amazing people that we already are.

LOVE,
            PATIENCE.

I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF, LAST NIGHT!

Hello from this side, from a panicky Patience who had to pinch her cheeks to confirm she is alive ..."after waking up." Now, i know you are curving your lips,..."shiaaa, if someone is awake, they are alive",..that's what you are saying. But no, this morning, i needed just more than my eyes faintly surveying my surroundings to confirm i wasn't on the highway to heaven!

The calm before the storm

How did i come to this though? That's a big query! And the answer is quite easy, i panicked and created something that is capable of suffocating a human, woman like me to death. Let's dive into the details, shall we?

Okay, after a long day's exhaustion at work, i went home, freshened up and at 10 pm, i was catching a movie whose title i can't recall, neither much about it because my eyelids kept kissing the whole time. All i remember is, there was Silvester Stallon in there, i don't mistake his freaking face for anything, haha, even if i'm 80 degrees high on smirnoff.

Here is how it all begun; I change into my night wear, a flimsy floral polyester dress, and get a glass of water, get in the corner of the bed and comfort myself with my blue quilt and hence the dosing begun. Guess you are wondering why i just couldn't sleep right away, it's because: i don't sleep sleep, i sleep time. When i sleep at 10, that means i will wake up at 1 am and lose sleep till 3 or 4 am, so to avoid that, i sleep at midnight or 1 am, so i can go all the way to 7 am, which is my wake up time. Naturally i have less sleep.

The horrorific moment kicked off with me jerking off from what, sleep or a mistaken longgg nap at 1am and the first thing my drowsy eyes caught sight of was a humongous playing/praying mantis a meter away next to where my drinking water was. Scared to bits, my first reaction was to kill the monster minus breaking the glass. So, my dumb ass conscience was like: "The insecticide,..yes that will work." Grabbed the canister, and fuuuuuuuu..fuuuuuu, i sprayed at the mantis till it staggered and its lifeless long limbs flattened out. Oh, i could then breathe, my life was out of danger, haha.

Just in case you don't know who broke into my house, this thing did.

See, they say before you start a war, you should be sure you can somehow end it. As for me, it didn't occur to me that i had to deal with a room full of insecticide smell. It's 1:20 am now and opening the door wide at that time is something i ditched. So, once again, my weird gut points at the deodorant that i had just bought,....got it, sprayed around the room, well to take out the odd smell, what i didn't know is i was making it even worse. So for heavens sake, if my teeny tiny nose couldn't take the first explosion, what made me think i would handle a fusion of i don't know how many gas 'ingredients'-for lack of a better word.

Long story short, in a few minutes, my eyes were running watery, my nose beaming with whatever the sneeze offered and before i took all that in, i noticed that i was actually taking my breaths in gasps. Once more, my mind was like,"Patie, this is actually how people suffocate from stuff and die in their sleep." What???? i tried taking water, but noticed it could have an amount of the gas since its been just there. Suddenly, i felt light headed and while i thought i was gonna die, i sneezed to life again and opened the door, sat at the veranda and watched the flickering star in the dim grey sky.

Now someone will lie to my face that this ain't freaky!

At 2:37, i started growing goose bumps from the cold outside so i moved back. The gas smell had reduced but still felt "not safe enough" for me to sleep but slept anyway. Told God i don't want to be the headlines of some local TV station so i asked him to keep me breathing till morning, and He sure did.

So, guys, take caution. If you are like me who never gets anything done right when on pressure or scared, remind yourself to breathe breathe and breathe, You need to fuckin come down, NO, I NEEDED TO CALM DOWN FIRST BEFORE I GOT HOLD OF THE INSECTICIDE CAN! You need to do the same. At this rate i'm afraid i might panic and lose out heaven's gateway, haha i hope i won't. Take care guys, catch y'all next Friday, oh, and happy new month!