I NEARLY KILLED MYSELF, LAST NIGHT!

Hello from this side, from a panicky Patience who had to pinch her cheeks to confirm she is alive ..."after waking up." Now, i know you are curving your lips,..."shiaaa, if someone is awake, they are alive",..that's what you are saying. But no, this morning, i needed just more than my eyes faintly surveying my surroundings to confirm i wasn't on the highway to heaven!

The calm before the storm

How did i come to this though? That's a big query! And the answer is quite easy, i panicked and created something that is capable of suffocating a human, woman like me to death. Let's dive into the details, shall we?

Okay, after a long day's exhaustion at work, i went home, freshened up and at 10 pm, i was catching a movie whose title i can't recall, neither much about it because my eyelids kept kissing the whole time. All i remember is, there was Silvester Stallon in there, i don't mistake his freaking face for anything, haha, even if i'm 80 degrees high on smirnoff.

Here is how it all begun; I change into my night wear, a flimsy floral polyester dress, and get a glass of water, get in the corner of the bed and comfort myself with my blue quilt and hence the dosing begun. Guess you are wondering why i just couldn't sleep right away, it's because: i don't sleep sleep, i sleep time. When i sleep at 10, that means i will wake up at 1 am and lose sleep till 3 or 4 am, so to avoid that, i sleep at midnight or 1 am, so i can go all the way to 7 am, which is my wake up time. Naturally i have less sleep.

The horrorific moment kicked off with me jerking off from what, sleep or a mistaken longgg nap at 1am and the first thing my drowsy eyes caught sight of was a humongous playing/praying mantis a meter away next to where my drinking water was. Scared to bits, my first reaction was to kill the monster minus breaking the glass. So, my dumb ass conscience was like: "The insecticide,..yes that will work." Grabbed the canister, and fuuuuuuuu..fuuuuuu, i sprayed at the mantis till it staggered and its lifeless long limbs flattened out. Oh, i could then breathe, my life was out of danger, haha.

Just in case you don't know who broke into my house, this thing did.

See, they say before you start a war, you should be sure you can somehow end it. As for me, it didn't occur to me that i had to deal with a room full of insecticide smell. It's 1:20 am now and opening the door wide at that time is something i ditched. So, once again, my weird gut points at the deodorant that i had just bought,....got it, sprayed around the room, well to take out the odd smell, what i didn't know is i was making it even worse. So for heavens sake, if my teeny tiny nose couldn't take the first explosion, what made me think i would handle a fusion of i don't know how many gas 'ingredients'-for lack of a better word.

Long story short, in a few minutes, my eyes were running watery, my nose beaming with whatever the sneeze offered and before i took all that in, i noticed that i was actually taking my breaths in gasps. Once more, my mind was like,"Patie, this is actually how people suffocate from stuff and die in their sleep." What???? i tried taking water, but noticed it could have an amount of the gas since its been just there. Suddenly, i felt light headed and while i thought i was gonna die, i sneezed to life again and opened the door, sat at the veranda and watched the flickering star in the dim grey sky.

Now someone will lie to my face that this ain't freaky!

At 2:37, i started growing goose bumps from the cold outside so i moved back. The gas smell had reduced but still felt "not safe enough" for me to sleep but slept anyway. Told God i don't want to be the headlines of some local TV station so i asked him to keep me breathing till morning, and He sure did.

So, guys, take caution. If you are like me who never gets anything done right when on pressure or scared, remind yourself to breathe breathe and breathe, You need to fuckin come down, NO, I NEEDED TO CALM DOWN FIRST BEFORE I GOT HOLD OF THE INSECTICIDE CAN! You need to do the same. At this rate i'm afraid i might panic and lose out heaven's gateway, haha i hope i won't. Take care guys, catch y'all next Friday, oh, and happy new month!