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| Thursday evening and its a 4 day weekend! |
While Easter is a period of celebrating, rethinking our ways and drawing closer to our creator, it's particularly a time that reminds of some horrible experience i encountered some few years back, when i fell in love with a guy who was kinda gangster(still wonder even today how my brains were thinking). I met "B" during my second lecture in the journalism class as one of my best lecturers ever, Mr Bbale Francis(RIP) emphasized the importance of mastering the right intonation and pronunciation of words as a journalist.
We had to take some few notes and just as i started, some one tapped my shoulder asking for a pen(now you know the kinda person i'm talking about, ....like who the hell comes to a lecture room without a pen?) I offered him one(i had some cute girly pens gifted to me by my mum-God bless her heart). Have you ever met someone who becomes your problem from day one but yet again grows into that person you can't resist? That was my first real lover(or so i thought), not a play-boy type but with lots of trouble befalling him every now and then. This is a guy who would be seated with you one minute and the other he is hunted by police! Never consistent with nothing, never having a thing. Hang out with the 'wrong' people(according to me) and chose boxing for a career which meant, giggling and chatting in the morning and by dusk, he has a swollen cheek or a bruised eye.
Love must be the most transcendent form of power that can elude any kind of chase, staying just as it is, confusing even the smartest people on the surface of the universe. I don't know how i put up with this kind of thing. I was never sure of the next minute nor hour, everything was always on a line. We really didn't have a middle ground, our emotions were either elated to the maximum or so down to negative infinity but i still loved him and in my perception, he loved back.
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| This Is Me Looking At My Audience, like wow. |
On Friday evening(good Friday), B and i were at the balcony talking and having a good time when a phone-call came through that wrecked everything. A second after the call, he said to me,"Patie, i'm leaving. I have to join my uncle, he is dropping by the hostel to pick me up in an hours time."
"But ...you can't leave, we have plans, i arranged something,...don't take that...," i went on and on but i could not change a mind that was made up in a split second no matter how hard i tried.
My world seemed to have come to a sudden halt and the ground beneath my wobbly feet ceased to exist. I could feel a million daggers cutting right through my body and all i wanted to do was cling on to him as my soul screamed,"don't do this to me!" He didn't heed my plea, he unwound my arms off his torso, walked away through the lobby and disappeared to the stairs, just like i never had him, like i meant nothing to him, like what we had was nothing but just a sand castle that could not put up a fight against the raging storm.
I curled down, with hot tears cascading my cheeks, not sure of what i felt but one thing was clear to me then, i had longed for a heart that longed not for me. I built my world around one single person, deciding against all odds to love him even when i knew that he wasn't reliable. I sat down, staring into space and a few minutes later, i saw him cross the road(my hostel was at the roadside) in a white outfit, save for the black waist coat that hand firmly on his broad shoulders. A range rover spot pulled up and he sat, drove off from my site but crushed a thousand times in my heart. I had nothing left to fall back to, my friends had definitely left for their homes, it was three people left in the hostel, people that i didn't even know well.
Long story short, we didn't communicate for three weeks and he never returned till then. I grew thinner than i already was, cried myself to sleep for 21 straight days and had nothing to be happy about. The guilt of choosing a stranger over my family killed me each night as i lay lonely in my bed.
It was one cold evening as i walked up the stairs to my room when someone called my name. My spirit was weighed down with sadness and hallucinations so i didn't respond, i was sick of answering stray voices in my head. This time though, i could hear some faint steps behind me and in an instant, his arms were around me. He was back.
He had less to explain to me(as usual) and i had less to ask, i had all the answers right in my gut. All i needed was to go away, never fall for this estranged loverboy. My mind was made up, he was never going to change and i wasn't ready to cross more oceans for someone who could not jump a huddle for me.I wasn't competing for the award of saint-hood. I let him go, one of the hardest decisions i have done in life. However much i was hurt, there is a part of me that still wanted him, needed him, loved him. That sounds really stupid, doesn't it? I'm just being candid with you guys.
The journey of learning to accept the 'loss' and move on is never easy, when the memories play back and you want to smile but you can only afford a sigh, sometimes it feels like this is never going to stop but with time, most of the wounds heal. I became my own greatest love.I swore never to neglect myself, learn to forgive, to laugh, to adore me and most importantly to love again.
I loathe sad stories so i'm not about to leave you with a sad ending. Its 2019, and your homegirl is in love. In love with someone who proves to her each day that LOVE IS NOT LOVE WHICH ALTERS WHEN IT ALTERATION FINDS, NO, ITS AN EVER FIXED MARK. A-L-I ain't perfect but he has loved me despite my imperfections too. I don't fancy sleep anymore because finally REALITY IS SWEETER THAN THE DREAMS. Now That's Real Talk!
HAPPY EASTER ONCE MORE, ENJOY THE BREAK
HOPE YOU ENJOY THE BLOG, SPREAD LOVE
LOVE WINS AND GOD WINS
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Bubu, you gotta explain where Peter and I were by the time all this happened.
ReplyDeleteSo happy about the story though. Looking forward to many more and better. Happy Easter.
Haha, you guys were also occupied with other stuff, but see, I emerged strong!
ReplyDeleteMe being me, hehe I think you misjudged B, maybe it was a real emergency,that he had no choice but to leave, I want his side of the story. Say hi to the new lover. You are a good writer, can't wait to read the next one
ReplyDeleteIf you were keen,....okay eg, ivwe made a plan to go to the Bahamas and one day before departure someone tells "B" that there is a party in Mbarara, I would 98% be alone on the plane.He was that kind...here, there and no where!
DeleteEhh he was that bad? Such kind of people can run you crazy
DeleteI cant believe i even studied with you,kanywani.i love the story but most of all the way you put it together.
ReplyDeleteElisha, things do happen and most of those horrible experiences, we never disclose anyhow,..but as time goes and the ache is no more, we just write a story like this, to let someone know...what can happen!
ReplyDelete