SECOND ANNIVERSARY: CHEERS TO NEW BEGINNINGS

Cheers to Patie Polly's Take's second anniversary.

Its Patie Polly's Take's second anniversary!

Two years ago today, I did the very first blog post "CREATING MY REALITY" on April 5, 2019. The pangs of nostalgia that are consuming me like a 'soothing fire' burning in my soul right now are such an unfathomable feeling that only those who have witnessed a dream come true can relate with.

51 posts, 3,710 views and 490 responses later, Patie Polly's Take has given me nothing but an incredible feeling and platform to share life's tales with you all, to inspire you, encourage you, make you sad sometimes (I know) but in a cool way, make you smile, and all those things that I made you feel with each blog you read.

An average 72 people reading each post is something I only imagined but here we are, thank you for making my dreams come true.

My goal was to connect with people that I have never even met, alongside those that I have had a chance to interact with physically, give some girl somewhere in the world assurance that they are not the only ones going through certain situations, feeling the way they feel and certainly, having dreams that seem beyond their reach.

Thank you for being part of this reality-ship and giving me your time, data, love, support, and sharing with me your take on all that I have put out there. It's been a beautiful thing, a lovely experience. I don't want to make this seem like I will never write again, no, these are things engraved on my heart and I would be lying if I said I will never share something entirely about me.

I am, however, transitioning into something more professional, more of all around content that I hope will excite you, much more of stories and things that are not necessarily out of my personal experience but rather what I have learned along the way and what you might need.

At this point, I am also trying to figure out how this is going to work but what I am sure of is, at least you know me personally, somehow, and that's all I ever wanted, to make a connection with you all and lay a foundation for bigger things that the heavens will bless me, us with.

To all of you who have loved me this much thus far!

To all those that got personal with me on various issues and topics, I am forever grateful, those that made it a point to read and comment on the posts, may the Universe work in your favour, to everyone that has and is still part of the ship, I can't thank you enough and I hope, that as we transition into bigger platforms, you will still sail aboard this very ship with me. You make me the person I wanted to be years ago and your support is priceless.

To everyone who has advised me on various dilemmas, you are the best the world could offer me. To all those who constantly reminded me of how long I was taking minus posting, you sure are my ride or die's and your nudging tactics still make me smile.

I will be posting stuff here and on MEDIUM under Patiepolly, and any other platforms that I might get on, I will always find a way to share life with you guys. Its the reason my heart still beats, its what I was made for, to be your company even during the cold nights when you are curled up on your couch and the hyper Fridays when you are vibing along with your can of beer.

I will begin on a beautiful love story series that I hope you will enjoy too. I haven't decided on the schedule or title or setup but I feel the urge at the back of my mind, I can't ignore it and hopefully, sooner than later, the pieces will fall into the right places and I will take off with the most romantic tale I have been planning to serve you guys.

But for now, all I have for you is appreciation for being who you are to me, the best audience life has blessed me with, I might be a loner but when I'm typing these stories on the keyboard, I feel like a successful rock star that just worked up a massive crowd. This is the happiest stage for me and I hope you, my beloveds, find joy in reading my funny escapades and normal encounters just like I would love it to be.

See you again, hopefully sooner than later. Love you all,

                                                                                           Patie.

ADULTING: ONE BIG LIE, AND A FEW TRUTHS

I got back home, a bit exhausted but quite sad too. I could feel the sole of my shoes dragging on the tiles as i carelessly pushed the key into the alarm lock, thinking "how do I get out of this, how do I escape this feeling of emptiness that crowds my 'would be okay' life?"

Never thought adulting would be this hard, I am at a point in life where some mistakes I make might not get a chance to be corrected, that as a grown woman, I need to be in some kind of league, put together, carrying on my responsibilities and taking on roles that I never can escape. 

The feeling that being here was all I ever wanted when i was 14, and then for some reason, the reality that everything seems a bit on hold some days, makes me S-I-G-H. Adulting, according to me, really has no formula or one fine description. We just move along life, trying to do adult shit, only to realize "normal adults don't do that"....but again, there is no formula for each one of us to fit, that's one truth, at least.

Do you ever question yourself; What happened to all the fire that filled my soul back then? Where did the dreams that kept me awake all those nights go? 

You really never understand the meaning of a midlife crisis until each day seems like the previous one, like the boring routine it really is! You don't know if you are progressing or are stagnant but somehow you manage to wake up and live each day. 

That's where I am now, some days i put in my full participation, cheering myself on to the next email to work on, feeling excited about the woman I have become, proud of my little big accomplishments ...and then suddenly, the zeal comes to a sudden halt, the fire dies out slowly like a campfire invaded by a whirlwind preceding a storm.

Some days I am just happy about my minimal participation, pleased with myself when I can put one foot in front of the other and trudge on. I have been here many times, when much as i want to be confident about life, the back of my mind is still burning with flashes of all that I have not been able to do and should have.

Before the alarm went off, jerking me back to reality and realizing I was still there, my shoulder tired from the bag slung around it, I was thinking maybe I needed company that night. Maybe i needed someone to hug me back to life, to hold me close enough and keep me from falling apart. ..That maybe a little comforting is all i need sometimes and I do not have to necessarily be brave all the time. That maybe taking everything head-on doesn't have to be the solution each day....

I allowed myself a big, long sigh, drawing cold air into my lungs as if to push life into this static statue that i had become. I looked up, hoping I could resist the heat that was gathering in my eyes, the hot tears that soak me up in those moments when i don't know if I am exactly on the right rail in life.

But that was a lie I told myself, I never really seem to be in control of my own body when life hits me that way. Soon enough, before i stumbled into my empty living room, the salty taste of my own tears was reminding me of who I really am; just a person, like any other human, trying to figure out life, trying to be strong for my own self and yearning for all the things i can't possibly have or accomplish in a day.

Ushered in by the faint smell of the insecticide I sprayed before leaving for work, I let the bag fall freely to the carpet, noticing crumbs of the bread I had buttered hurriedly that morning while crouching; with a knife digging into the last crusty bit of peanut in the tin, phone sandwiched between my left shoulder and cheek as I responded to my mother's early morning call.

Patie Polly on her good days.

Pushing the noticeable bit with my big toe (we all do that....when we are too lazy to bend and pick something small) I sat slowly, my right hand pushing on the couch as if to give my weight some kind of much needed support. 

Feeling all weird and drowsy, I pulled my bag closer, picked my phone and typed the first two paragraphs you just read, just to keep track of me winding up a long day. The following paragraphs were written on Wednesday March 24 at 5 pm, from the recollection I have of this year's Women's Day encounters- Monday, March 8, 2021.

Thanks for dropping by, I would very much want to hear from you and how your long days go. This is one of the longest kept drafts that finally got a touch up and made it to you, thank you for being a fan of Patie Polly's Take.

CONVENIENT LOVE: HE/SHE IS NOT THAT INTO YOU

In a world where humanity can't do away with a bit of selfishness and greed, we tend to hoard any tit bits of convenience we can get our hands on, disregarding the need and courtesy of being tools of the peace and happiness we all would like to wallow in, always.

How we be trying to hold on to people who are not that into us.

Hello there, lovers! Happy new year! This is my first blog since Dec 2020 and, well,....here i am again talking about the most complex thing in the universe. Oh, by the way, it's not because i am a relationships guru or that kind of thing,...i'm just a girl, almost in her late 20s, trying to figure out stuff - especially when it comes to loving and being loved, breaking up and mending situationships.

From the title, as mentioned above, i am making highlights on something crucial to understand, not only in relationships, but normal friendships too. We are talking "Is it love or are you just convenient for the other party to keep around"? 

Maybe this hasn't even crossed your mind, or it has never been an issue for you. Either way, learning new things and understanding certain notions never hurt no body, not at all.

Where are the red flags? You ask.

Have you ever been in a relationship where it's more of an unbalanced situation? One party puts in all the work, makes calls, organizes dates, checks in regularly ..basically does the possible to sustain the relationship. 

On the other hand, however, the other partner is doing the least, and checks in with a text after a week of no show, has their focus on everything else but you and the flimsy excuse of a relationship they seem to be interested in, all is well as long as you, the understanding saint, keeps it all afloat.

Why would i be trapped in such? You ask.

Well, if that's the question that was hanging on as you thought about the situation, here is how such relationships manage to go on for whatever time lapse they may.

I am one of those people who fall so hard in love that i decide, sometimes, to compromise my needs or ideal way of life and what i would really want from the partnership or whatever it is i am dealing with at that particular time. If you are one like me, and the many of us ...i know we do exist,...you are most likely going to be the  giving, supporting, understanding and sometimes begging party.

You put so much hope into saving situations, focusing at the good in people and keeping a blind eye to everything unusual that's going on, just so you keep the peace and be a good girl or a good man. 

It may not actually be that vivid in the beginning,..that you are being the caretaker, the ideal partner and everything else you think you are or are trying to be, yet the recipient of all this, is doing nothing but having the time of their life else where, doing all they want to do, being with whoever they so wish and enjoying the convenience that you serve them daily on a silver platter.

But why would I continue to be with such a person? You ask.

Darling, these people have mastered the art of keeping their benefactors around, winning you over after ghosting you time and again, over reasons you will never receive, however much you seek response. 

They do this because baby, they are not that into you, although they might need you here and there. A text today, a dinner after you have nudged them on the matter, the biggest chocolate bar presented at your door after they cancelled on you over the weekend and never texted for two weeks....but it still works.

They know when to utter the very convincing words to you, when you are desperately yearning to hear them, its an art that works almost every time. But is that what you are worth? Is that all you have chosen to settle for, less? 

And what about the love i have for this person? You ask.

Well, when it comes to matters of the heart, it takes you and yourself to assess the situation and decide on what to do. Never be lied to that you will stop loving someone instantly because you have decided so,....it's a gradual process, filled with blind spots, heartaches, anxiety, doubt, stress, and uncertainty.

But it's all worth it in the end, when you make it to the other side of the hallway, where you don't necessarily have to beg someone to stay, when all they want is to leave. It hurts less, when you know that much as you lost the relationship, it's not draining life out of you any more.

Look, I am not anti-love, dating and relationships, infact, i love the feeling of being loved, stupidly in love. Everyone would love to wake up in the morning with a smile on their faces because "yesterday was a good day, i feel loved."

But i cannot downplay the excruciating pain of love that's not reciprocated either. I know just how tedious and exhausting a job it is to "hang in there", hold on to the one good moment you have had with your partner, fantasize about all the things you want to do, all that you want to feel with this boy, girl, man or woman.

I know how empty i felt when I ditched the Easter holiday with my family, only to be ghosted by my then boyfriend, with whom i had planned to do much over the Easter break. The long sleepless nights, the sad days, the endless wishes "that he would knock on the door sooner", the hallucinations that took centre stage in my mind....oh, poor little girl....i was losing myself trying sacrifice for a relationship with someone so unreliable, so insensitive, SOOOO NOT INTO ME!!!

This was me some years back....sigh...sigh

How do you overcome that? You ask

The first regimen to overcoming bad, toxic relationships and situationships is evaluating what you are getting back from the set up. This depends on how much you share with your partner,..maybe shared property, kids, investments,..all this needs consideration. Moving on might get trickier with all this involved but there is always a better way to deal with a situation.

Loving yourself more helps you overcome the urge to be loved by someone else (who ain't into it, in this case). Looking at what you can accomplish, your abilities and dreams will surpass the void created by the absence of the love and attention you seek,....but never find.

Finding other things to care about, maybe family, friends, and revisiting your hobbies will ease the tension created by the 'lack'. Look at the other side of life, change patterns, listen more and talk less, try to find satisfaction in all else other than dwelling on the hunt for happiness from this one undeserving person.

Make YOU happy, spoil yourself, treat yourself with kindness and learn to let go of things and people that kill you softly, silently but violently. It's in that window of darkness that all the seeds in you will grow. Give it time and brighter days will dawn sooner, i promise.

Yours,

          Patie.

TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE: DEAR PENNY

 The Alpha;

Penny

It's been seven years since we crossed paths for the first time (as I rinsed off something from the sink, you were off the last stair step), heading to your room, from an afternoon lecture.

Africana hostel was our home then, we were Kavule homegirls! Even though I never said hello to you, I knew, deep within, that sooner or later, we would be inseparable.

As luck would have it, you soon inquired about something to do with room shifting and ... there it was, our moment to talk and know each other. I have every detail of these happenings like it was only yesterday.

The first time I asked you "out for an evening stroll", I didn't know you would say yes. But you did, and it was a beautiful evening as we walked past La Grande, under the beautiful street lights with our popcorn (I don't recall whose treat it was) as we talked about stuff I kinda can't recall well.

You wore a black skirt, pleated at the round hem with a green sweater....I don't recall what I wore, for some reason, haha. I felt much more at ease because you were short like me, tiny like me, you weren't obsessed with speaking Luganda (I wasn't fluent in Luganda then and it bothered me when everyone seemed to assume that every human being in Kampala understood the language), so it was easier to have and sustain a conversation with you.

The first good-byes;

As time went on, we really became good friends, (I envied how well you knew how to make tasty meals..and thanks for sharing other recipes with me).

Unfortunately, I soon decided to leave the hostel and rent out, it was a bitter sweet moment when you hugged me, at the balcony shortly before I left for my new home. Hannah was there too, and you guys showed me I had successfully made a few friends!

I am glad that even when I left, you made it a point to check on me regularly, on those hot afternoons after lectures...oh, with Ezra, 'your then personal person'...cheers to memories!

Grown up women shenanigans

Us

Fast forward, things fell a part, while other pieces fell perfectly into the right places and destiny got us back together as roommates! I swear I had never been happier, more fulfilled like each day we went for our weekend gigs, earned money, paid our rent and took care of ourselves. (Oh, I miss those days!)

Thank you for being a keeper, for looking out for me, for introducing me to my first marketing job, (you remember Surgipham?) ... Thank you for each day you left me lunch money when I didn't have gigs, and coming back with our favorite Wandegeya chips! (I' m crying writing this, you always found a way to make everything better for me, for us!)

I miss our Monday breakfasts(when we started working in the same company) at that Somali restaurant...how we enjoyed the extremely spiced tea... spending half of our entire week's facilitation, hahaha.

I miss all the crazy nights out that we enjoyed together, the house parties, the beach (remember the over crowded KK on Christmas???), Remember when I was bounced off at the Wink???? Our nights at Don's? How about partying all night, getting home at 5am?

Thank you for saying yes to my hobbies, I'm sorry about the evening when we got lost as we took a walk to nowhere.

I miss the evenings when we wrote your music, wrote short movie scripts, shopped for your music videos....the many rehearsals we did for film projects that never left our house...cheers to our ambitious selves!

Friendship appreciation note;

Us

I could write to infinity, everything that we have been through together, the good, the bad and the ugly. Seven years is such a long time, isn't it? I hope that seven years from now, I will be able to remind you of the days of our lives that are yet to come.

I love you, more than the Sunday morning sleep, more than love itself, because what you have given me, is a lifetime sense of belonging, sisterhood and an unfathomable kind heart, where I can rest easy knowing that even if my world fell apart, you, darling, would aid me to break free from the shackles of despair.

You have seen me make the worst decisions, maybe I didn't listen, but even when I burned my own bridge, you still offered me a hand to get me off the ridge of my own destruction. Thank you for standing all my weirdness, imperfections, my silly ways, my unrealistic dreams and being a friend that knows me most.

On this your birthday, I would want to be with you, cut cake with you, enjoy your soft beef (cheers to us the meatatanians), tell you nice stories, listen to your advise on business(I'm still here, thinking about what you told me) and laugh the day away, with you.

But the pandemic is raging on, and I know we are safer where we are, and even if you went away for years, I would still be here, waiting and looking forward to seeing you again, and nothing would make me love you less. You make me complete, Ms Peninah Nakazzi.

Here is to our friendship, to laughter that knows no limits, to walks that know no destination, to wild imaginations and to a love worth fighting for. Thank you for being the love of my life, my soulmate!

I will be waiting for the day when we will sit at our coffee shop, old but jolly, watching our younger versions in our grandkids.

 I know this is kinda long, but I would make 1000 more pieces of this, if you needed a reminder of each day we have spent together.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING.

Love,

          Patie.

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: STAY WOKE, DON'T BE A VICTIM

Many a times when we hear of blackmail, we tend to associate it with the common practice of having to meet the perpetrator's demands lest they reveal or publicize information or details of something they hold against us, that we would rather not have the public, or a particular person know.

In Uganda, for example, we have had ladies narrating stories of being blackmailed over their nude pictures that unfortunately, the masterminds behind the blackmail had. It's no doubt that for many of these cases, even after succumbing to the pressure, following through to the letter on the demands, terms and conditions of the bad guys, they still do the very thing you have been fighting hard to prevent.

This is a whole other long story but for today, i want to introduce us to something called EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. Maybe its a new term to you, maybe its not. It can be defined as a process in which an individual makes demands and threats to manipulate another person to get what they want, often intended to control the victim's behavior through unhealthy ways.

If you are well versed with what narcissism is or you have experience dealing with a narcissist, you realize that there is a lot of similarities between the two. Emotional blackmail can be executed by the people we love, the people we are close to, our parents and elders and everyone who knows us so well that they get to find the weaker or soft spots in our character that they in turn use to create a fortress for their demands.

Mind you, sometimes you might not even realize that you are being blackmailed, simply because the bad guy, gets you and your emotions, your sense of judgement behind a tinted glass and they can control you whichever way they want.

The three common elements used to form a base for emotional blackmail is  FEAR, OBLIGATION and GUILT. I will give examples down below so we understand how all these three are used in manipulating a victim into doing what the other party wants, with less complaint or without objecting, even when its not something they would particularly like to do.

FEAR

When i was younger, probably like 7 or 8, I did an abusive gesture towards my elder brother Hope. For lack of a better word, i will say "okuwema" as it is known in Luganda. It was my first time doing that and for some reason, Hope read so much into into it and decided he would tell Mum about it once she came back from wherever.

For fear of what the repercussion would be, i begged Hope to forgive me, to not tell on me. After hours of pleading, he agreed to forgive me on condition that i would do 'whatever' he was asked to do by our maid or mum for the entire day. I agreed to it and we were 'cool.' I did all the chores assigned to him, as agreed and as per his terms, we would never speak of it.

However, even the following day, he demanded that i do as he said. This time, it wasn't about what mum would do, but the fear that he instilled in me, showing me that if i don't comply, he might lose his composure.....(Jesus, Lord),...and tell on me. 

Long story short, i did as he said for close to two weeks until our mother noticed that i was being used against my will, but there was a price i was paying with the fear of something bigger than just a favor.

Mum then sat me down and listened to my part of the story, told me never to 'kuwema' anyone and that was it. What Hope did is called emotional blackmail, i was guilty of my action, i feared what my punishment would be and certainly, i was driven into realizing that it was my obligation to atone for my crime, with far much a price, and within no definite stretch of time.

To Hope, i know you will read this, i hold nothing against you, it was just a perfect example of what emotional blackmail can be. I love you so very much!

GUILT

Have you ever been in a relationship with let's say an outgoing person but you not much of that type? There are situations like: (Come with me to this house party because you know i don't like being home.) Even when you don't want to go, once this person knows that you wouldn't want them to feel bad and bored, they will always use that, because you can't bear the sight of them sadly cancelling on their buddies, pacing around the house in utter misery and telling you, "it's just a party, we could go and get back!"

More so, when they go alone and do inappropriate things, they will give you the "if only you came with me, i wouldn't have been tempted to do that" kinda excuse. This keeps you on your heels, ready to tag along anytime, because you feel guilty of what could go wrong, and this certainly makes you feel obligated to take care of this person by sacrificing what you would rather do.

Watch out when they say, "i'm hungry, do you think you can pass by? Oh, how about you stay for a little longer, see, i feel much better and safer with you here." In the real sense, this person might have not wanted food in the first place, but because there is an element of you wanting to help out, and they know it, they are dead sure you would never say no to that, because you would feel guilty of 'leaving a hungry somebody to starve."

OBLIGATION

Have you ever felt like you have to do something just so someone doesn't question why you didn't? Sometimes it's not even something we enjoy to do, but because someone is used to us doing that very thing for them, they exert more pressure and demand, and need for it to be done, showing you how vital it is for you to do, so their routine is not disrupted.

Be careful of these elements. And like i said, emotional blackmail goes hand in hand with narcissism so the offender will never ask about whether you are okay doing what they require you to do, or if it disrupts your schedule....as long as their needs are met, its all they will ever want.

This is so binding in that you get to feel the guilt of "how will they handle the situation if i don't check on them on my way home?" What will they think? What if they are not alright? How will i explain myself to them,...stuff like that. It might seem harmless, but it's one sided and thats where the problem is.

If your workmate knows that you will cover for them, they will find a million reasons to make you understand why they can't be available at that moment, and psychologically tricking you into believing that every Friday afternoon, they won't be around and it's your obligation to sort out their mess.

What this does, is make you a slave of fear and guilt. "What if the boss notices that she didn't do this? Oh my God, i will be the reason for her getting reprimanded, i need to work on that project so fast." This, is exactly how emotional blackmail works, you have to do something for someone, because your conscience can't live with the thought of this other person being hurt by you not doing them that favor(s).

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

Now, i am not a professional at giving advise on situations like this. But here is what i have learnt through experience;

- Limit the cases of compromise; when you have to compromise with your partner or friend concerning everything you want but they don't want, its not healthy. It could be just a way of them controlling you and what you do, for their own comfort and liking.

- Learn to say no and stick by it; many of the people who resort to blackmail are have lots of insecurities and by not being able to control you for their own 'safety,' they feel like you are being a threat and they could act out of their way to show you how 'grave' your choice is, so you can change your decision. This is the very reason why you have to stand your ground and not feed their set-up because once you give in, they will react worse to a situation, knowing pretty well that you will give in, again.

-Brace yourself for what may or may not happen; just like with the common blackmail, the more you hold on and give in to demands, the worse it gets for you and the more powerful the bad guy gets. If its money, you will keep paying up, doubling and this person will have more evidence to 'expose you with'. 

But once you show this person that even when they threaten to harm themselves because you didn't do what they want, that it will entirely be their responsibility and not yours, they will have nothing to base on. Be sure to have clear boundaries on what, when and how you do things so that when what they ask for is out of your bounds, you don't have to yield to pressure from mere threats. 

Alright guys, i guess i will break this off for now, if its entirely new to you, let's discuss more in the comments. However, be on the watch out for these things, evaluate your friends, family, workmates and all others that you relate with. Don't be a victim, don't be a servant!

GETTING CLOSURE, MOVING ON: HOW SOON IS TOO SOON?

When was the last time you broke up with somebody or somebody broke up with you? How long did it take you to find and get closure, clear your mind of all sentiments and embark on the tedious journey of moving on? 

For starters, i hope we can all agree that closure is very important as we strive to end relationships with the people we have been with.

How do you like that bit of chocolate?

GETTING CLOSURE

Closure is getting an understanding as to exactly why a relationship ended and no longer feeling emotional attachment or pain associated with the relationship. This helps you to move on and concentrate on other things or create new healthy relationships.

Finding closure implies a complete acceptance of what has happened and an honoring of the transition away from what's finished to something new.

Unfortunately, for some people, they can't bring themselves to find closure. In fact, they don't even clear things with their partners about whether they are moving on or are still interested in reviving the relationship or if they are falling in love with someone else, but still have attachment to the current relationship.

A good friend of mine once told me, "my boyfriend has ghost relationships/ ghost girlfriends."

It sounded strange, but she didn't hesitate to explain, "He didn't formally end some of his relationships so one of his 'ex girlfriends' is still in the picture, well, because she is still hoping to better her relationship with him."

That, ladies and gentlemen, is something you don't want to do. Don't keep someone around for your convenience. When you feel like its not working out anymore, respect your partner enough and let them know, either, you two can find a solution or mutually decide to split. It should be two-way, even when the other party might not readily accept the idea, it gives them a choice to make.

Some of the ways to aid you get closure are; 

Creating physical and emotional distance

There is always a sharp pain that cuts through our entire being when we go to the our favorite hang out spot only to see our ex partner laughing the night away with 'someone new.' This doesn't help the situation especially if you are trying to move on from the relationship that once was.

Creating physical and emotional distance entails changing some of the things you did together, the restaurant you preferred together, the cinema hall you frequented together, the night club you crushed together, because, these same places, will bring you memories that might lure you into holding on to nothing.

Even worse, there is a good chance that you are most likely going to to bump into this person, who might have moved on sooner than you did, they might be happy or with someone else already, trust me, you don't want to witness this substitute caressing him or her like you never owned him/her.

Pack away things of sentimental value that keep his/her presence alive 

For some people who are way too emotional and sentimental, even the scent of our ex's cologne brings fresh pain into our hearts. If you are trying to move on, distance yourself from that very couch where you discussed your divorce or separation. It will always bring tears, and make moving on hard.

The gifts, pictures, songs that you enjoyed while on a road trip to no where,....all those things, they don't help at all. They were important when the love was mutual, now that its a whole different story, holding on to them is definitely not the best thing to do.

Process your emotions, say goodbye

When it's over, even when you might not like it that way, you have to come to terms with it. Among other hard stuff to do, is to say goodbye to this person but it's extremely important. Be it via a letter, small note, a rendezvous, or which ever way that might initiate you into the "it's over club."

Self Care

There is nothing more soothing than waking up, grabbing a rob, heading for the kitchen to make a bit of breakfast, tuning on your happy music, and staging a dance off with yourself! Working out, yes, revenge body come through! Popping color, scent and self love in that bathroom will do you magic.

I know what i am about to write can be dangerous, but hey, what do we have to lose? Spoil yourself a little. Get you a bit of that Irish Cream and get a bit tipsy. I swear, it heals. It relaxes! If you can afford that Four Cousins box wine, why not???? Get lit for a moment and enjoy your space, time, without any other person, you will fall in love with YOU!

Forgive your writer, she's been dealing with a break up, she will put out more blogs.

Time for a new circle!

Break up time is new everything time. Its setting new goals, focusing more on your career, hydrating more, seeing family more, and most importantly, creating new friendships. Trust me, you don't wanna be hanging out with your ex's buddies, there is always that convo that will go south.

Tension will arise when they certainly talk about him or her, so save yourself the burden, ditch La Venti for Bughatti Bar,....for fellas in the Kiwatule Ntinda stretch. Meet new people, try new things and there,...you are on your way to finding happiness after a break up.

HOW SOON IS TOO SOON TO MOVE ON?

Just like relations end in an untimely manner, sometimes, moving on has no proper formula too. Love can be complicated and many a times but moving on can be quicker and easier than you ever imagined.

Moving on may vary according to the structure and what abode you to the relationship. The time it lasted also matters. If it was some months old, you could even blush off the pain and find love again after a month or two or a couple of more months.

However, if it was a long term kinda relationship, a lot comes into play. There is more to consider, more to sacrifice and definitely, more to let go. Maybe there are kids involved, maybe joint investments, maybe pending financial matters,....all these need attention before you decide to cut ties.

So depending on how long the relationship lasted and how much needs to be sorted together as a couple, finality will require respective amounts of time to take shape.

Moving on might come with guilt or even criticism from people, but i always dwell on the belief that if you have to please people, then you are bound to be sad and unfulfilled. These people don't know how hard you try to sleep but in vain, they don't see how bad your heart breaks at the mention of your ex partner, they certainly don't know how that person they are tying you to, is feeling about the situation.

Do you, darling, whether you have moved on so fast or you are taking time, external pressure shouldn't be your worry. Focus on fixing you, getting your happiness back and living life the way you want it. It shouldn't be anyone's business. We all are looking to love, life and happiness. These three are worth fighting for, as per my opinion.

Otherwise, love is a beautiful thing and there is indescribable joy that comes with finding that one person who reignites the ancient spark in your heart, don't give up on love, and certainly, don't beg for love or settle for the wretched struggle love.

NOTE: I ain't no love specialist, i am just some girl who has fallen in and out of love a couple of times and i thought i would share this with someone who might need it. These are definitely personal opinions and they might not work for everybody, but atleast, they have worked for me.

Till next time, 

Love,
          PATIE

PROM/SOSH MEMORIES: TAKE ME BACK TO CHAAPA

Hello, i know you guys love these tales so why not throw it back to the golden days of my teenage years, the first time i ever grooved with a guy! Now this is about to get hot, i'mma sip on my lemon and take you through a flash back, right here.

So for starters, i'm one of those homegirls who went to a single school and if you have never been to one or even heard of the tales therein, Prom or Sosh as it's usually referred to in Western Uganda, is a pretty big deal. It's one of those events you start looking forward to when you witness your senior buddies making arrangements for one- first time.

This was JO-MIL Sosh

THE BEGINNING

When i set foot on the Emerald Campus (Maryhill High School-MH) compound, i knew a lot of things were going to change and while i anticipated some, i dreaded the idea of all things unknown to me, that would sooner or later unfold before my face.

Two months later, in the first term, our termly school calendar read 'Chaapa Sosh'. Trust me, i had never seen a busier weekend for the girl child who anticipated seeing a boy(probably not known to them) and they had to spend some good hours together.

Usually, the boys' school hosts the event, meaning the girls would finally be out of the 'blue gates' as we usually called them. Friends to my then Form 4 roommate came around looking for nail vanish, lipstick, a cuter pair of shoes, an anklet and all those things. It was amazing!

I wanted to know how that felt and be the one who would be lying on someone's son's shoulder as we grooved the day away. But alas! I was only a 'nyongo' as form One's were called, barely well versed with the workings of such fairy tales and what was crystal clear, is that i still had three years ahead to be able to go for sosh.

FAST FORWARD

2012 dawned on me sooner than i thought, after witnessing two more or six more Proms(my school had prom arrangements with 3 boy schools; Chaapa, Ntare, and Jovoc). I thought i would feel normal about it but guess what! When my day finally came, everything changed. I had a black dress with fake pearls aligned across the cleavage area and some short silver heels, accompanied by a silver necklace and a matching bangle.

I was ready to meet my day's date,....whom i had never met and had zero idea who it would be. It was an adventure that i went all in for and it gave me an experience that i have loved since then. After all the nail dos, the mascara, the too much deodorant, it was time to get on the bus and head to Mbarara High School for a day i would never, like ever, forget.

Malik and I, MARY-CHAAPA Sosh

ARRIVAL

At around 10 am, after a 30 minutes drive, the gentlemen ushered us into the Chaapa gates (well i dont recall what color they were),...pardon m,e i was too excited to master anything. Lined along the lane, the boys wore warm smiles, nice blazers and the air was filled with various scents. Hands clasped to the front, they said hello, you are welcome...you are smart...all those things.

Now, the first part of the walk to the hall came with girls tripping over nothing but their own new platform heels. And some of these were the 'oh so heavenly, classy individuals' ...let me stop at that. I remember one who fell and her dress split at the side hem....tragedy, right? Yeah, it was a roller coaster of happenings.

As for me, the guy who walked me to the hall didn't have to worry, i wasn't one to go tripping because my shoes weren't that fancy anyway. After this moment, i honestly don't recall much about the happenings of the day, i guess my adrenaline rush was past the charts and here i am!!! Hahaha.

However, i remember clearly that it was 'guys' choice' so, we entered the hall, sat, leaving a vacant chair next to us. The boys had to come in and choose where to sit. It was like the scramble and partition moment where everybody must get somebody, lest they "FLOAT", i'mma explain that in a bit.

The term 'floating' referred to failing to get something, be it a meal or whatever, but as far as sosh was concerned, it meant failing to get a date. It was horrible, it would make news back at school, it wasn't a good thing,....now you know, let's proceed.

I waited for my would-be date, i didn't have a prior arrangement with anybody so, that was even more scary. But hey, in a moment, this good looking guy with a sweet scent came by and he was like; May I? I looked up and made no haste in signaling him to sit, "Please do", i said.

JO-MIL Sosh

STRANGER THINGS

You guys, he smelt so fucking good. If i am not mistaken, it was the Naomi body splash, Vanilla flavor. I have loved that scent since and i use it all the time. The introductions came through and in a bit, we were jazzing about "US"... what the fuck.

Oh, BTW, he came through with some beautiful fake/plastic flowers that had the same masculine scent as his, ...you know what that means, right? I kept the flowers till i finished O'level. I sprayed them with my pixie deodorant every once in a while,...just so i could smell them after class. (Yeah, i am that into things, i am so sentimental)

AFTER LUNCH

So, fast forward, after the speeches and all that, we had lunch. My lunch date was a different guy, muscular enough to carry two plates of food and two bottles of soda while i twirled around with my small clutch purse and fake flowers(they were all i needed then....sigh...sigh...).

When lunch was over, my first date was at my side almost immediately. It was time to dance!!!!
Okay, i am not one who knows how to dance, shake, or any of those things so i persuaded him to sit and chat till my kind of music started playing.

My darling seato, Joanitah

SPEECHLESS

I love slow music, country, a bit of RnB, and all those nostalgic oldies that remind you of the first time you kissed a boy or a girl. We were talking about how good the deep fried irish tasted at lunch when Micheal Jackson's soothing melodies filled the air, Speechless was playing!!

I have never seen myself act so fast like i did then, telling this guy, "It's time, let's get grooving." Ululululu,.....He offered his hand, "Shall we?" he asked. "Absolutely," i replied and off we went, joining all other couples who were leaning on each other, grooving to the ballad.

When he put his arm around my back and pulled me closer to him, i must confess it was the first time i got to understand the meaning of "feeling butterflies in the stomach." It was a feeling like no other, it felt warm, and as if things wouldn't get any better, he leaned closer to my neck, "are you comfortable?" he asked!

I wanted to tell him that "this is the most comfortable i have ever been," but i restrained myself for God knows what. "Yeah, i am good," i said. He signaled me to lay on his chest,....you guys,....he had loosened his black necktie a bit, it still complimented his burgundy shirt and well,...i couldn't resist the offer.

Just as speechless faded out, i think Jennifer Hudson's "If this isn't love" kicked in and mehnnnn, there is nowhere else i would rather be, but right there, in Malik's warm embrace. I was kinda feeling awkward at first but looking over his shoulder, i saw some of my 'chapel girl' buddies in a kissing range from their dates and my heart went, "damn, i guess it's all okay." I let my fucking self enjoy it all.

At one moment, we weren't really dancing or grooving or anything, we were just there, right where we both wanted to be, for eternity. Everyone was,....at least as per my recollection, calm, busy with their partners.

The afternoon flew by so quickly and it was about time for the "last song" as announced by the day's DJ. I didn't care how long the song would be, i wanted to make it count. I can't remember what song it was, but i enjoyed every split second of it, my arms clasped at his back, his on my waist. It's all i ever wanted and till this day, its been one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Abel and I JO-MIL Sosh

TRAGIC ENDING

After the last song, our buses were waiting, to ship us back to Maryhill, and it was sad. The day had lasted only 3 hours,..well, at least that's how i felt. The last hugs were sad, emotional. And while we were sealing off the day's fun, someone shouted; "BEEs, run!"

Guys, this ruined the moment for many. Bees appeared out of nowhere and everything got crazy. Two of my buddies got stung, unfortunately, the MH ladies were zooming to the bus,....hahaha,....MH ladies don't run!!!! As for me, Malik got his blazer off, put it over my head and, "we need to get to the bus ASAP," he said.

We took a longer route behind a certain classroom block but we safely got to the bus. Our Entertainment Prefect was yelling at everyone, asking us to get into the bus. Well, Malik handed me what belonged to me, my flower, a purse and an apple(God know why it was only one) and we hugged,..for the last time. He held my hand as i climbed up and waved as i took a seat.

The engine was roaring back to life and my fairy tale was over. The journey back to school was full of mental replays and everything was flashing before my eyes like teen romance movie scenes. I must have been grinning all the way through.

MY ROOMMATES

This is me in Form Four, photo taken by Rhona, my then roommate

As i got off the bus, my roommates, Comfort and Rhonah were waiting for me. They are the best people i ever met in school. Comfort grabbed my flower as we headed to our room; SHELL HOUSE, WING B, ROOM 5. That's where i had to unpack the day's events as the two couldn't let me be.

It was magical, it was sweet, it was emotional, it's a memory that nothing will ever erase from my mind.

To Malik, thank you for making my day a fantastic fairy tale. To the MARY-CHAAPA solidarity, may you live to give other girls such nice experiences.
To my teenage self,....you are a mystery that i still hold close in my all grown heart, and i don't regret anything!

Thanks for reading, i am waiting for your experiences in the comments down below.

STORY TIME: MY HUSTLE: LIFE AS A BAR CASHIER

They say when you adore the roses, you should be in position to bear with the thorns too. A little over 4 years ago, my desire for independence drove me to do a lot of things. In my yearning to be an independent woman, i knew that to achieve part of that, i had to be financially stable.

I was in my second year doing Journalism and Mass communication and somehow, i found myself in dire need of extra money, leave alone the ka 20k, 30k that usually popped in when daddy was at his best after a 'saying hello call from me' or mum wanted to make my day on a weekend.

A friend of mine who was a cashier at a certain club around Wandegeya took me through her usual days' schedule and well, i thought i would also adopt the afternoon-night shift at the club. I presented my fair CV and got the job, thank God! The club had three counters/cashier cabins and i was to take up one. I must say, i was nervous about the whole thing but being the go getter that i am, the night shift wouldn't hurt that bad, would it?

I remember the afternoon of my first day at work,...clad in a pink top and brown baggy trousers, a cross bad hanging loose on my shoulder as i followed my boss around the work station. I had never been surrounded by so much alcohol!!! A medium counter, two refrigerators, a bottle shelf, a ginormus TV set and bar stools composed my then soon to be daily spot.

Stock taking is a cashiers number one activity when you get to work. You wanna know how many beers, sodas, wines, water and energy drinks you have before the waitresses and waiters start to make orders. You also have to check for what brands or kinds you might need to stock more for the day so the supplier is notified. 

Anyways, when i was done noting down the starting stock, the boss turned and as she left my cabin, she said i should be vigilant, "some girls will steal from you, i don't want you to make losses."

I didn't know exactly what that meant but it sounded more than just a warning. I pulled my stool and sat, cross-legged, overlooking the counter as i waited for waitresses' orders. The girls were a bit kind, i didn't get bullied, save for one girl who was thrice my size; she popped in with a piece of pork in her hand, chewing so loudly that i cringed for a split second.

With no greeting, she asked if i was the new cashier, to which i replied "yeah". "Tomanyi Luganda?" was her next question to which i smiled off. She then leaned forward to sort of "check me out" and before i readied myself for another of her annoying queries, she was in my face, "are you even allowed to be here? Oh, my god, you are so tiny, how old are you?"

At that point, my phone rang and someone was basically notifying me that our media ethics course work submission had been preponed! I was panicking! The big girl in front of me asked if i was done with school, "no, not yet" i said. She blabbered and off she went, giving me a minute to breathe at my own pace.

Fast forward, we closed off at 1 am that Wednesday night and i went home amidst fright. I had made a shortage of 4500 but i had been tipped 20k by some drunk Kenyan students who kept me busy at the counter. I felt like i wanted to resign immediately because of what i had experienced. People despise bar maids, look at them in a sexual-driven manner, treat them like their lives don't matter at all and some men go ahead to use them for their pleasure!

I was a student, trying to figure out life, i didn't know if i would be able to smile at such people if they offended me. But, day by day, i got used to the environment, made friends with the girls, got people who liked to jazz with me at my counter and generally adopted to the night job. 

I made losses almost everyday, but on lucky days, my tips were enough to drain the sorrow. After all, i had gone there to make money!! We were paid 40k per week and we got 5k per day for transport facilitation. I worked, studied and resided in Wandegeya so the 5k always catered for other things. I had one 'off day' in a week. 

Juggling school and work wasn't easy, but it was worth it. This job got me some of the households i wanted- i had just moved in with myself and i needed all the money i could get. My parents never really got to know about this job until later when i told my mum about it. It wasn't something a parent could go 'cool' about but there was no option. I hope daddy never reads this because he has never known.

Fast forward, ....some days were okay, others were really horrible. Sometimes i cried under the counter, other times i went partying after working. It was always one of the extremes, either really happy or really sad. I got to meet some amazing people, well as i bumped into the most weird assholes. Sometimes i had issues with the waitresses, customers and the bosses alike.

The Floyd Mayweather Manny Pacquiao Fight

The day of this fight was something i have never come to comprehend. I spent 24 hours working non stop. I had a 9-11 am lecture which i attended and then headed to work. I always reported for work at 1pm. Usually, Monday to Thursday were less busy so we always closed of at 1 or 2 am. Fridays and Saturdays were trans-night shifts.

On this particular day, i made sales of 2.9m something. My counter was the smaller one of the three so this was huge. The other two doubled my sales. People flooded the bar hours before the fight and stayed till morning. Others came as per usual and i didn't even have space to go get my face 'woken up'. Every corner of the Casablanca hangout was full.

At around 2am, we increased the price of beer to 5000 from 3500, people bought everything. We had to call our supplier for an emergency delivery of more beer. The after fight music was so loud, the place looked merrier and the drunk customers tipped me like never before. I went home with around 90k.

The last person left my cabin at 7:47 am, i stretched my arms, galloped the last bit of my smirnoff red, stuffed my tips in my bag and switched off everything. It was a tiring but good day, or night i should say.

Long story short;

I worked at this bar/club for close to eight months and decided to quit. I had not got another job but i was tired of the late night shift. Fortunately, i had earned myself a solid start of what i wanted and even when the quitting came after a bit of fights with my immediate boss, it was long overdue. 

What i want people to know is, that not everybody who works in such places is a prostitute, its not that they don't have a future and certainly, its not like they are less of human beings. From this job, i learned to respect every person's hustle. I learned to tip people-when i can, i learned to be a good person towards every worker in whichever category.

Why? Because i know what it means to be disrespected at your job, i know the fear that comes with losing a job because you stuck to your principles and certainly, i know the life of a bar maid. That's the reason, when i hang out, i wanna say hello to the person serving me, be nice to them, smile with them and remind them that there is still a kind soul who values their work. You, yes you, should try it too, you really should.

Alright people, i'mma stop here, but i want to remind everybody that your hustle is yours and you don't have to be ashamed of it. The people you feel like shouldn't see you at your work place don't deserve you! In the end, you are really trying to get something for yourself, not to beg any fuckin body so go ahead and hustle! When it's all over, you will smile at yourself for having done so.

Let me know the kinda hustle you ever did and felt like you are a bad ass bitch or a bad ass son of your mother! I love you guys, so much. Thanks for the unwavering support.

JUNE 30: ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER BLESSING!

When i was younger, probably 10 or 8, i wanted to be a grown woman, so bad that i, on many occasions, envied our maid; living an independent life, making personal decisions, earning her money and in a different way, i loved and admired the freedom she had in pursuing her love life.

Rhonet, if u see this, here are my eyebrows!

I wanted to be able to wake up, decide on what i am going to wear, make phonecalls, make plans, be a boss, create an empire, make rules and watch over my life!

I wanted to be independent, its all i really ever wanted; to clean my house whenever i felt like, (my dad used to do random checks in our bedrooms and shame those with unkempt beds at breakfast) i wanted my personal space, i wanted to walk around with flimsy ragged pieces of clothing,....all that grown up-ish, WITHOUT NOBODY INTERFERING in my damn business.

But above all my freedom needs, i wanted to experience the feeling of being in love, being loved, and having to love somebody. When Hope(my elder brother) started dating, i was always excited to tip toe into his bedroom, shut the door and dive into all the love letters he had received, and the drafts he wrote but never sent. It always elevated my mood. I loved the whole concept of loving, dating and everything that came along.

In my Primary Six, i happened to fall in love! Ululululu,....i am tearing up as i write this, because it feels as fresh and surreal, just like it was so many years ago. How it happened and how it ended is a whole other story,....infact, it survived for up to like three years! That was a huuuuuge achievement you guys! And i will leave it at that.

But the memory of my first kiss is one that lightens up my day, when the sky is more grey than blue. It's an ever-fixed landmark in the initiation of a girl into womanhood. It was warm, mint-fresh and relaxed. It was a moment. A feeling that gives me tingles even now that jot this down,.....banange PG 10+! I would like to hear about you guys' first kiss experiences, if u don't mind sharing.

Fast forward, tomorrow June 30, i will be adding another year to my already grown self. My mid twenties are rolling away in a flash of a split second, but i have never been happier my whole life, like i am at the idea of growing, maturing, and making every dream of mine come true!

I write this as a dedication to me and the dreams that i have seen manifest right in front of me, from the torn pages of my 2007 notebook, and all the years i could only think about a life i have now. And i dedicate it to all the people who are embracing themselves and carrying their heads straight on their shoulders, living their youthful years with pride and utmost fun.

Where are all the June babies @?

I am grateful that i have witnessed all the changes i ever wanted and a bit of those that came with growing up. I have lived alone since 2013, i have worked- earned, made plans, but i haven't become a boss yet though, haha. I have created a little empire for myself and my raging thoughts and i have a lovely audience that makes my dream manifest every other day. Thank you so much guys, for being part of this.

I wanted to date, to love,.....i have done that, so much that it feels a bit odd for me not love or be loved. I have had all the good and ugly encounters in my many relationships and life is much more sweeter today, knowing that my current relationship is very healthy, happy and fulfilling. I have done all the crazy things i ever wanted to, clubbing till 5 am, crazy house parties, romantic get aways, being able to support other people financially in my little capacity, gifting my parents and loved ones, taking solid steps in my career and all that.

When i look back at all the years that the heavens have blessed me with, i see nothing but favor. And as i usher myself into yet another year, I look forward to doing more crazy shit, and living life with a purpose. If there is one thing that we can't have back, no matter how much we can offer to buy, its our youth. Therefore, i will choose to have every thing done now, so when i am aged, i don't want to carry regret and sad stories with me. I want to be a little vibrant granny(If God so blesses me with that too).

She is a grown ass woman!

The advice i would give to that little girl in primary five with dreams so big they outshone her then present life, is to take it day by day, one step after another. I was impatient to be who i am today, it has taken me years of making mistakes, causing people pain, messing up my parents and breaking hearts of those who had pure intentions for me, but i threw everything away, hurrying to catch up,...i don't know with what. But one thing i am sure of is, IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!

The late night calls that went on for hours- earning me punishments from daddy the next morning,..the narrow escapades that filled my holiday seasons but brought me trouble with my parents, the little and big heartbreaks those boyfriends of mine brought, ..... it was all worth it! I don't regret a thing, because everything that was lined up in my path, led me to the ME that i am today.

Happy Birthday Dear self, Patie! Oh, in advance, until tomorrow 7 pm, hold up the excitement, darling.

Who is partying with me??????????????????

MY FIRST TIME IN KAMPALA: EPISODE TWO

A CHALLENGE A DAY, KEEPS PATIE AWAKE, BUT SO DOES LOVE!

So, due to an overwhelming demand that i couldn't possibly ignore, i will give y'all a part two of the story. Your reactions to last week's blog were hard to neglect, everyone literally noticed that the piece was incomplete! I had comments from various people asking me for part two, or a mini series of the whole thing-which i'm still thinking about. Others told me to ask the guy who distracted me, to STOP, haha.

For starters, i want you to know that 2013 was a huge transition for me, from a kinda naive girl who had just completed senior four in a single school on the Catholic hill of Nyamitanga, a girl who had VIRTUAL boyfriends from Chaapa, Ntare, Jovoc, Muntuyera...well, they were 'Number-Mates' who, after sometime i grew fond of and eventually attached my freaking love feelings, emotions and fantasies to. Don't worry, they reciprocated the same, haha.

So, the hostel where i resided had both genders; boys on the lower floor section and girls on the upper. It was a kind of free range system where animals moved freely without anybody peeking on their business. It was some kind of a new thing to experience.

Some of your comments

This one night, during the second week of the semester, i lost sleep, like i always do, so i decide to move to the balcony to catch air.

While i leaned on the cold metallic rail whose paint was wearing off, i turned to the corner at the far end of the balcony where two lovers were enjoying a moment. While my head reasoned out that i should take a french leave, my heart was wrestling against all odds- putting a weight on my feet and keeping me glued in one spot. Now, you can call me a nerd or whatever, but i actually stayed, since they weren't bothered anyway.

At 2 am, after 47 minutes of bizarre stares that i kept stealing at the couple, i thought i was ready to move away. To go get a life! But i probably wasn't. I hadn't recognized the male figure, whose hands caressed the girl's back in a tight embrace they were sharing. For some reason my heart was enjoying my awkward stay at that particular spot where, in my damn head, i was loving the fact that two people can be in love, create memories that can last a life time and care not about a stranger, who just couldn't break free from the bondage of being an unintentional third wheel.

The girl sort of pushed the guy aside, whose fully built physique outshone the flimsy excuse of the grey vest he wore, creating a bit of distance between them before she leaned forward, raising to her fore toes as she threw, (like literally threw) her lean body with a subtle thrust on to this long muscular torso whose shape fit perfectly the description of a guy i had only read about in a romantic novel-That Old Devil Moon. I gazed at the empty road, trying to be less weird, only to be interrupted by the careless whisper that escaped their mouths as they kissed ever so passionately.

This was kinda savage!

I wasn't sure of anything anymore, whether i was seeing this happen, or if i was just having a fantasy dream. The metal rail had become warm then, it didn't feel cold anymore, i wanted to leave, honestly, but i wanted to stay too, curiously. To be the eye witness to this lovely moment that not even Leonardo DiCaprio would recreate as perfectly as it was manifesting before my eyes.

These two came through too.

Time check; 2:55 am, and my world was still rolling. The lovers were standing still, his chin lowered onto her neck, both staring into space. They didn't talk, their bodies, i think, were taking over the role entirely. I might have lost sense of time and everything else, before my silly phone slipped of my hands, free falling carelessly on to the floor. I crouched forward to pick the phone when i caught a glance at four feet heading for the corridor, hand in hand, his arm wound tightly at her waist as they swayed off.

I squatted, and for the first time, i touched my cheeks- rock cold, it was 3 am and the nightly winds didn't spare me. I know you thinking i was a jerk or something, didn't mind my business, but i had a reason. Actually, i got to recognize this guy when she pushed him. His long jawline and clear temples weren't unknown to me. We had attended the 'radio presentation' lecture together.

He stood out in some kinda way and i guess i was starting to maybe like him or something. If i am being honest, he fit the physical fantasies i ever wanted to encounter. But here i was, seeing him with some girl. I didn't even know if they had dated for long- i was new, a fresher sort of. I was naive and i usually lived with my heart and used less of my head when it came to such spheres of life.

I grew sad,....sad that he was a taken guy, and there would never be a chance, EVEN WHEN I KNEW CLEARLY THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT MY MERE EXISTENCE. My situation was silly, sad, irrational and all the above. How would i even ever explain to somebody that i was falling for someone with whom i had even never talked? Silly, right? Bottom line is;

IT WAS OVER BEFORE IT EVEN BEGAN. My relationship status, instead of being: IN A RELATIONSHIP  to IT'S COMPLICATED then probably to SINGLE AGAIN,...it just flipped at once: Single to Single Again,...in one night. It was complicated before it had a chance to be and i didn't wait to let my heart hoover around in what never really was, after two months, it was "IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO REALLY EXISTED!"

Let me know about your silly love fantasies,.....that was one of mine, when i still had an inch of a 'cultured girl illusion' kind of belief in love.

STORY TIME: MY FIRST TIME IN KAMPALA

A little Munyankole girl takes on the city to pursue her big dreams!

Luganda was not the overall hindrance to winding up my tedious first day in the city, it was a whole bunch of mishaps here and there, including tagging carefully on my back pack each time we moved, lest I lose my trivial treasures in there.

On a Tuesday in early February 2013, daddy took a quick check in my navy blue rectangular suitcase, making sure I had all the requirements packed,...just like he did since my Primary One, when I joined the boarding school section. He always did our back to school shopping and even this time around, when I was joining Crane Media for a course in journalism, he did just the same.
Swift Safaris was his bus of choice from Mbarara to Kampala. While I staggered in the bus corridor after a rude lady squeezed her way past me, daddy yanked me off to the seat after neatly loading our mini luggage bags up on that luggage sort of palette.

Handing me a monitor newspaper, he pulled out I guess New Vision or something that was a day old. "It's going to be a long journey, you need something to keep you busy," he said.
We had little conversation breaks while I opted to read a small novel- The Stormbreaker which I had started on a day before. I didn't have interest in The Daily Monitor, at all.

After four long hours, I didn't need an interpreter to notify me that we had reached Kampala, I could feel it, the noise, the chaos, an avalanche of vehicles getting past each other in a careless manner, tall buildings and people speaking Luganda ever so quickly that I figured I would never learn from them.

The bus conductor started yapping a lot, this time in Luganda not Runyankole, as we sloped to Kisenyi bus park. A slight drizzle ushered us in, not a good way to move about the heavily congested city.
"We are in Kisenyi park, we now have to head to Wandegeya and catch up with a bit of paperwork," my day's tour guide said as we descended the two long steps of the bus. Being a Maryhill High School chap, I had an umbrella folded up in my side bag. It was helpful as we waited on our hired taxi.

Fun fact: We were not allowed to run on compound at school so whether it rained or shone, we had to be 'ladies', act ladylike and ladies don not run. Umbrellas were vital during one's stay at Maryhill, haha.

After clearing with the bursar's office, we walked from the DTB building (where the campus was then) to the mighty Chicken Tonight (It was still operational then) for a late lunch which served as dinner for me. We moved back, and we were assigned some girl to help us with the hostel stuff.
As usual, daddy had to take me to where I would live from then on. The hostel was in Makerere Kavule, a few minutes away from Kolping Hotel. I was to share a room with three other people, including Rachel who had escorted us there.

After we made my bed, daddy gave me some more ka money and hugged me good bye as he slopped down the stairs. "I will come back to check on you on Friday," he promised.

My feelings were strange seeing him leave. I was, at last, going to explore the city, but I was also ALONE! In a minute, the girls introduced themselves, Phiona, Rachel and Sofie...before they headed out for 'Kalerwe', a good chance for me to unpack and settle in. "All these girls look bigger, more experienced, more lively, more everything!" I thought to myself.

My evening passed in a daze, getting to know who I would go to school with, what i would do with my fuckin life and many other stuff.

The next days, weeks, months saw me adapt to many changes, beach parties, dating, going broke, learning funny Luganda words like 'aganyogoga' and a lot other things that I don't regret.

Daddy visited more often, we always hung out at Chicken Tonight and he always asked me to eat more yoghurt so I could add a bit of weight.

LIFE UPDATE: OVERWHELMED BY LOVE, GRATEFUL

People across the globe are buried in intense anxiety, worry, fear of the uncertainties surrounding this whole COVID-19 situation. The bereaved are mourning the departed souls who lost the fight while many other households are clinging to God's mercy and hope for their next dinner-others are actually starving to death, unfortunately.

Sad as it may sound, some humans are taking advantage of this terrifying period to inflict excruciating pain on to others; people stuck with their violent husbands/wives are in fear of what next form of suffering they might be subjected to. Some people are dealing with their narcissist lovers who, even in such a time, are putting themselves first and draining whatever piece of peace that's left in the formers' lives.

Criminals are citing and using any kind of loopholes in the security system to unleash their long-concealed technics in murdering people, looting homesteads, and forcefully rustling away what's not theirs to take. It's tough and rough out there, and it may seem distant when it's not in your home, but it's surely happening.

But what about you? Have you taken a moment to give thanks to God for the mere gift of life? Have you counted your blessings that are still overflowing in your cup even amidst this situation? If you still can afford data to read this blog, if you still have full-course meals, if you didn't lose your job and are still hopeful for another brighter day, darling be grateful.

Religious or not, you must know that there is a higher power that's making it all easier for you. It's about that time when we all should be grateful for every trivial thing that has brought a smile on our faces.

At the beginning of the lockdown, I was excited - to be home, work from home, and enjoy the quiet of my surrounding. But as time went by, the situation hardened by the day, sad news seemed to be the order of the day. Anxiety crept in slowly and eventually took root. Everything changed and my heart grew so vulnerable to fear of the unknown.

A beautiful shot for ya!

But I have seen the hand of the Lord hoover over me and mine. I have witnessed extraordinary favor run down my wicked being and fill my heart with a new song every new day. I have seen my family get closer than it ever was, people calling in every day to check if I ate, slept well, or if I needed anything. I have received tonnes of love like never before, and I have tried to reciprocate the same.

I have never been so grateful for every minute that my heart was/ is at peace and life is still all I have. I have been humbled by the Lord's mercy that even in this situation of dire need for finances, he has blessed my soul with so much more, with little luxuries that I can't take for granted. Give me just one reason why I shouldn't have bragged about the unseen comforter, who answers even the unuttered little prayers.

And as life moves on, as we take part of our freedom back, as we go face to face with the looming virus, I hope that we can always remember that love conquers all. That there will be another day and be grateful for everything. I have lost an uncle recently, couldn't travel but my spirit rests in knowing that God is still here with us all and that no amount of misery can take us down.

My heart goes out to all those dealing with loss and all those who are lost in worry, hang in tight, tomorrow is yet another brand new day and dawn may break with your utmost breakthrough - TAKE HEART.

Love,
         Patie.